🌎Two years ago I was walking through the jungle next to Chichen Itza, one of the Mayan temples of the Mexican Yucatan Peninsula, I took this photo with hope. I was praying that I find myself. Praying to feel like me again. Praying for a sign of what I need to do next.
🛑You see, 2018 has been a tough year for me. I didn't even know how tough until I looked back and felt the weight I was carrying around as unbearable and not wanting to ever feel that again.
🌪They say Saturn Return sweeps the carpet from under your feet and turns your world upside down - well that's pretty much how that year felt x10. Apparently, I went through my Saturn Return.
🙈I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know who I wanted to be. I didn't know if I even wanted to be anything at all. My mind felt like closing down on me. My world as well. On paper, it was all amazing! I had no reason to feel like this, my life was a dream creation.
🙏Yet, I was living every day as a let's get through this ok and tomorrow will be another day. The small pockets of knowing myself would come and go quickly. Healing, coaching, meditation is what kept me floating, but often I didn't even want to do those, as even that felt too heavy to open the can of worms that was bubbling under the surface.
😮What was the purpose of all this? There must be more that I can BE.
⚫And then the waves got stronger, the darkness got darker and I was gasping for air as I was reliving traumatic events that I didn't even know where there as I spent a month with Ollie in Romania, reliving bits of my childhood that were ready to come to the surface and heal.
🙏I was so ready to shift from all of this as we boarded a flight to Mexico. I had a vision many months before even booking it, that I would be in Mexico and a powerful healing would happen, yet I've forgotten about it.
💫And so it was. I wasn't planning it. I wasn't expecting it. It felt like a second home-coming. The land, the people, the sacred places and energy, the magical cenotes washing away my sorrows, the ceremonies putting me back together...
🔥It was there that I have re-birthed from the ashes of my Saturn Return.
🤩I reconnected to my meaning and my purpose again, I rekindled my soul connection. I started breathing again after a suffocating dark night of the soul that lasted for the most part of a year. A circle of 7 years had closed - 7 years since my dad passed, 7 years since I decided to have major spinal surgery, 7 years since I decided to start Second Nature and made it my mission to leave the world a healthier, happier place.
They say that your whole body is completely renewed every 7 years. So on a physical level, I was 100% different to who I was when I started on this path. It was time for a new cycle, a new circle, a new me.
And I've used 2019 to begin this circle, to go deeper within myself, to love myself more, to trust myself more, to show up as a better human, woman, partner, which in turn helped me show up more powerfully as a healer and coach for women going through their own journeys of self-discovery.
Then 2020 came and I had to put to practice everything I've learnt.
Looking back to two years ago to where I was in this photo I can say that had I not had the trust, the hope, the belief that it will all be ok, and a powerful sacred beloved in Ollie, I wouldn't have been able to type this message from where I'm sitting today, in pure contentment, joy and fulfilment of being connected and linked in love and light to all there is.
To be living in the same place now seems like such a crazy ride - having our little oasis in between the Mayan jungle and the Caribbean sea and crafting sacred practice, ritual and devotion to the Divine. It's an ever transforming journey and it never stops. We just need to trust the process and know, this too shall pass, good or bad. All we have is now.
