Here I am, in the in-between. The space between what I know and what I don’t, and all the things I never thought I’d experience.
They say it’s the greatest love you can feel—the unconditional love of a mother. I look down at my womb, round and full, expanding like the sun. My hand rests gently over it, feeling my beautiful baby kick inside. Sweet little one, you’ve already burst our hearts wide open, filling us with so much light and love—not just for us, but for everyone around us. You are so loved. So deeply loved. 💛
But it’s been a long road to get here. A decade-long journey of becoming. Working on myself, on my relationship with my partner, healing my womb, and constantly questioning whether I truly wanted to be a mother.
For most of my life, I thought I’d have a baby by 26 or 27. That was my plan. But when I reached that age, I couldn’t have been further from it. “Not now,” I told myself. “Maybe later.”
And then, as time passed, something strange happened—I started feeling triggered by hearing about friends and people I knew having kids. It was this little pang I couldn’t quite place. I thought, “What is this about?” So I dove into research, reading everything I could on how not everyone is meant to have children. And each time, I had confirmation bias. I believed it. Yet, I never shut that door completely. I just kept saying, “Not yet. Not now.”
All the while, I worked on myself. I worked on my womb, which held a pain so deep I could feel it but never fully understand. Through ceremonies and healing, I kept asking, Where is this coming from? Over time, I was shown many lives, many moments of trauma stored within me, passed down through generations. The body keeps the score.
Then one day, something shifted. Ollie and I sat down and talked, and I found myself saying, “I think it’s time. Time to open ourselves to the possibility of welcoming a soul into our lives.” And just like that, he agreed. The door opened, and the intention was set. ✨
From that moment, the energy shifted. I continued working on clearing the space in my womb, but this time, with a clear focus on becoming a mother. I remember walking into a healing session in January with two intentions: becoming a mother and growing my business 😅. The healer laughed at the contrast. “You’re going to have to choose,” she said. And I did. Within moments, I felt the presence of this baby soul. Chills. The healing was profound, deep, and undeniable. I left that room knowing—this will happen soon.
And as fate would have it, the very next day I boarded a flight to Bali for an Eat. Pray. Love. Laugh. girls’ trip that had been planned months in advance. It was the perfect timing. My own last maiden voyage, unknowingly marking the transition from maiden to mother.
TO BE CONTINUED
